So I've been thinking a lot about why waiting can be so hard (not just for adoption, but for anything). Here are a few of my completely unprofessional thoughts...
1. We know that our son is at a wonderful home - Hannah's Hope. But we also know that our son would benefit greatly from one on one attention, love, and affection. I'm not saying they're not getting INCREDIBLE care at HH, but it's not family, it's not a mother and a father. It's hard knowing our son is somewhere halfway across the world without us to love him unconditionally.
2. There is such a longing to love these children and knowing that you can't just pick up and go can be agonizing. You feel as though you should just be able to GO and get them. In my head I know that all of the legal paperwork has to be taken care of, but my heart yearns for our boy.
3. Saying that everything is in God's timing is very easy, but living it can be very hard. When we look back on life, we do see how true it is that God's timing is perfect. Yet, in the moment of waiting, it can seem like we "know" best. I'm giving this up daily and knowing God does know what's best. What's kind of crazy, cool, and not-so-fun at the same time is that we're sick right now. How does this relate you may be asking? Well, if we were called to travel in the next two weeks, we could be in trouble. I've already been on this cold for close to two weeks and now have a double ear infection. Tom's just starting to get it. Soooo, hopefully by the time we do travel, we'll be over this bug! I'm trying to have the optimistic view of this whole thing and trying to see how God's timing really is perfect - even though it's hard to live it out on a daily basis (especially when I see "A's" beautiful face).
4. We know we're his mom and dad, but he's not here. We would love to be his mom and dad in a physical way too!
5. Knowing that our son is achieving all of these milestones without us seeing them is sad. I know he's growing and learning and doing all sorts of new things and it's a very strange thing not to be a part of that. I have loved getting to see Lowa and Whittaker discover and learn. It's such a special thing to be a part of our children's discovery of themselves and the world. I know once he comes home we'll get to experience so much of him that we'll be up to our eyeballs in it - and I'm very much looking forward to that!!
Ok, so there are some of my thoughts on why it's hard to wait - at least for us. Waiting is hard, good, frustrating, motivating and helps to build perseverance, trust and dependence on God and His perfect plan. I am asking Him daily to build in me what He desires so that I am ready when He calls me to our son!
I hope this doesn't come across as a gripe "post." I just wanted to share with others why waiting can be hard for me. I'm not complaining by any means, but trying to share my heart. Maybe some of you might relate :)...
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7 comments:
For me this whole process is about reconciling what I know in my head and feeling it to be true in my heart as well. My head understands God's perfect timing, but my heart can't comprehend why I can not be holding my baby right now. I continue to pray for his guidance and wisdom. Like all things in life, this is another avenue for us to grow and strengthn in our relationship with him.
Amy
Hi!
Love this post. The truth is Waiting IS Hard and there is nothing wrong with us feeling the weight of that. Some days I do great and others I feel like I am jumping out of my skin. I feel like it has just been too long and my kids need to come home to their forever family. It's time.
Megan
I can completely relate...it is so hard. A couple weeks ago I was in agony over the wait until I read about asking God to conform me instead of comfort me. I think about our baby constantly...I've now started waking up at strange times during the night just thinking about him. It is so hard, but I keep telling myself that God his preparing his heart too. I hope you all get well soon!!
I feel exactly the same way. We know that everything is on God's hands and He has a perfect plan but it is to hard to wait and process that. I have being asking God to help me be calm during this wait. I hope you all feel better soon.
goodness, i so relate to EVERYTHING you wrote. i have been really struggling these past few days. i feel like a whiner, like an impatient child. it is so hard knowing who he is, and knowing that everyday his life moves forward and another day passes that i don't know him and he doesn't know me. I think the biggest thing for me is to bathe myself in prayer.
I am not there yet (waiting for a travel call). But the wait I am going through sure has it's days. Right now I'm really trusting in Gods plan for our family. We want to prepare and don't know how to prepare and that is hard...baby boy, baby girl, or siblings and what ages??? We are nesting and don't know if we should get another crib or get bunk beds.
We don't know if we will get a call today or if it will be in two months....will we travel this summer or after courts close????
Everything is so up in the air right now.
I can't imagine having a picture and waiting for a travel call. Just longing to hold and kiss your child must be so hard!
I will pray for you and your family (for your cold and the wait).
Michelle
You know how they say with labor your forget the pain and the wait and before long you want to do it all over again...same thing! Its hard to wait but when you have that sweet baby "A" the wait will all be a blur! Your ache and longing will soon be replaced by joy and completion! I know your not complaing just sharing your heart, wonderful of you to be able to do that. I am encouraged by your heart after Christ!
Soon soon soon!
Love,
Natalie
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